apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
