I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
