i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
