Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The uberlube is also flammable
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
