Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
