he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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