its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
