tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
