I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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