the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
