just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
