you have to choose: penises or morals?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
