Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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