normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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