Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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