Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
