i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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