I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
