i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
