I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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