I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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