new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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