lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
