you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate all girls vehemently.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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