I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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