i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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