apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
