awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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