we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
