sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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