i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
