using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
