dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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