I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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