Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
