Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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