Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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