I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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