I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
