How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
