So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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