i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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