Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize