If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
