i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am naked and annoyed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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