so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
