when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
