Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
