we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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