loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
