my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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