it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
