Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
