every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
