I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
