One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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