I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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