I am in a vortex of obligation.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
