I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
