why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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