My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
