I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
