Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
