Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
too bad you live with your parents still
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
