In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
