I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
