went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
