I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
