my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
