she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You ruined the universe
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
