I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
