No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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