Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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