Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
