I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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